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The First Time is Always the Hardest

September 5: A few hours ago, anxious as heck, I sat in the parking lot at my local gym, waiting. On a whim I signed up for a membership last week with some friends and tonight was my first time visiting said gym. We were taking a 30 minute #HIIT class and while I was excited to try it, I was crippled with fear and anxiety. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. My belly gets in the way of everything. I’m not bendy in any way. Like at all! And, I have hip issues. I hate being watched.  My anxiety made me get to the gym 40 minutes early. Scared I’d be late. Scared to show up after the class started. Everyone looking at me. So I sat in the car waiting. Fretting. Beating myself up for letting myself “go” all these years. If I had stayed in shape, I wouldn’t be scared I’d throw up in front of everyone. I fretted until the very last minute before the class started. But knowing I had a friend waiting and counting on me made me move my butt out of that car. Inside the gym, I swipe my pass and I can

Self Tanner vs. Jen: Volume 1

Last night I did something. 

I succumbed to my sanity and tried self tanner. 

Some would ask "Why?" and all I can tell you is, I blame YouTube and beauty influencers with long tanned legs.

You see, it started with tan lines on my stomach. Since having kids my stomach hasn't seen the light of day, and it legit startles me every time I take a shower and have to face myself in the mirror. I figured a self tanner would help solve that problem and I set out for product reviews, DIY strategies, and tips and tricks. Which then led me to YouTube. Which then led me to Instagram. Which then led me to hashtags. Which then led me to realize Jergens is still around and hey, a newish (to me at least) product: foam!

I could have gone for the gradual self tan lotion that Jergens is so famous for, but no, I went straight for the big guns. If you're gonna do something, you have to be all in. No "gradual tan" BS I told myself.

So a few nights ago, I tested the self tanner on my stomach and my arms. I was so impressed. It went on smooth, I only had one streak on my arm which thanks to a cold day, no one saw because hello long sleeves.

Friends, this is where things went a little south for me. I got cocky. I got overzealous. I decided to go all in. As in, my whole body. 

For this, I had to go deep into my research. I had to know all things about tanning oneself.

The best tip I found was to exfoliate (obvi), shave, and cleanse before self tanning. So off I went to my shower to get all buffed, polished and smooth before the big event.

Note for anyone who is curious: sensitive skin + exfoliating + shaving + self tan product of any kind = YOWZERS. Not a good feeling. Lesson learned on that one my friends. But I took one for the team and kept going. 

OK so next came the yellow gloves. We're in a pandemic...I COULD NOT FIND ANY KIND OF NORMAL LATEX GLOVES. Hence the extremely fashionable yellow cleaning gloves I found (brand new don't worry). I was so pumped to not stain my hands.

I started with my legs. Normally people start from top down. That's just not how I roll. First off, the gloves were too big. I think that's where it kind of went a bit south. Gloves game on, first pump of the tanning foam went on my right shin. I began to rub it in a circular motion. The foam moved all around my leg and wouldn't absorb. I knew it wasn't the product because it had worked a few days earlier during my test run. Also, when I tried it on my stomach the product did what it promised: dried in 60 seconds. So I had to work fast. This time was different. I realized the tanner was dripping from the gloves. I was so annoyed. But also not surprised because to be honest, those gloves did not feel so hot rubbed all over my body lol. Ugh. Rookie mistake. How do I get myself into these messes? lol

The stupid gloves were just not going to work and if I had to walk around for a few days with orange palms then that was just a risk I was willing to take.

The rest of the application was much better after I used my hands. But I have to admit, after that one leg, I was already fed up. Literally 5 minutes in, I was tired. I was sweaty. I was regretting all my life choices.

I was not prepared for the time commitment it would take to do my whole body....minus my back because I'm not bendy or talented enough to do my back. Which is another funny story...basically I now have a line that goes down the side of my body where I can see where the tanner was applied haha. I'll have to get my poor hubby to do my back to even me out. Just love it when my escapades provide so much content and entertainment! More on that experience later.

I learned alot about life during this experiment. One day I'll write a post about it but for now, I'm going to leave you with your wild imagination on how it turned out. Did it streak? Did Scott do my back? Would I do this again? 

Stay tuned!


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