September 5: A few hours ago, anxious as heck, I sat in the parking lot at my local gym, waiting. On a whim I signed up for a membership last week with some friends and tonight was my first time visiting said gym. We were taking a 30 minute #HIIT class and while I was excited to try it, I was crippled with fear and anxiety. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. My belly gets in the way of everything. I’m not bendy in any way. Like at all! And, I have hip issues. I hate being watched. My anxiety made me get to the gym 40 minutes early. Scared I’d be late. Scared to show up after the class started. Everyone looking at me. So I sat in the car waiting. Fretting. Beating myself up for letting myself “go” all these years. If I had stayed in shape, I wouldn’t be scared I’d throw up in front of everyone. I fretted until the very last minute before the class started. But knowing I had a friend waiting and counting on me made me move my butt out of that car. Inside the gym, I swipe my pass and I can
Last night I did something. I succumbed to my sanity and tried self tanner. Some would ask "Why?" and all I can tell you is, I blame YouTube and beauty influencers with long tanned legs. You see, it started with tan lines on my stomach. Since having kids my stomach hasn't seen the light of day, and it legit startles me every time I take a shower and have to face myself in the mirror. I figured a self tanner would help solve that problem and I set out for product reviews, DIY strategies, and tips and tricks. Which then led me to YouTube. Which then led me to Instagram. Which then led me to hashtags. Which then led me to realize Jergens is still around and hey, a newish (to me at least) product: foam! I could have gone for the gradual self tan lotion that Jergens is so famous for, but no, I went straight for the big guns. If you're gonna do something, you have to be all in. No "gradual tan" BS I told myself. So a few nights ago, I tested the self tanner on m