September 5: A few hours ago, anxious as heck, I sat in the parking lot at my local gym, waiting. On a whim I signed up for a membership last week with some friends and tonight was my first time visiting said gym. We were taking a 30 minute #HIIT class and while I was excited to try it, I was crippled with fear and anxiety. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. My belly gets in the way of everything. I’m not bendy in any way. Like at all! And, I have hip issues. I hate being watched. My anxiety made me get to the gym 40 minutes early. Scared I’d be late. Scared to show up after the class started. Everyone looking at me. So I sat in the car waiting. Fretting. Beating myself up for letting myself “go” all these years. If I had stayed in shape, I wouldn’t be scared I’d throw up in front of everyone. I fretted until the very last minute before the class started. But knowing I had a friend waiting and counting on me made me move my butt out of that car. Inside the gym, I swipe my pass and I can
September 5: A few hours ago, anxious as heck, I sat in the parking lot at my local gym, waiting. On a whim I signed up for a membership last week with some friends and tonight was my first time visiting said gym. We were taking a 30 minute #HIIT class and while I was excited to try it, I was crippled with fear and anxiety. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. My belly gets in the way of everything. I’m not bendy in any way. Like at all! And, I have hip issues. I hate being watched.
Inside the gym, I swipe my pass and I can feel people watching. I’m mortified. Already regretting walking through those front doors. The gym smells of sweat and feels a bit musty but I push past it and move my way down the hall, frantically searching for the group fitness room not really knowing my way around. Damn it. I should have done the complimentary tour I think to myself as I walk past a group of guys hanging around a machine.
I finally find the room and get in line for the class. A small group of women are starting to populate. The chatter is nervous yet friendly. One shares that she's nervous, this is her first time at the gym in over 13 years. Another shares it’s her first day in the gym after a very long hiatus. My anxiety starts to melt away and I realize I’m not the only one starting over again. Everyone is worried about something, but we have to face our fears and just take the plunge sometimes. It’s like my husband always says, “No Fear,” just do the hard things before your mind talks you out of it.
The 30 minute high intensity class totally kicked my ass, but it was worth it. I didn’t fart, throw up, or pass out in front of anyone. I modified exercises when I needed to. I survived.
The first time is always the hardest.
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